Breakdown
by inmyeyes
Summary: R/T: "Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he loves you: when he's afraid of losing you." [IMPROV]


**A.N: I wrote this while listening to Mariah Carey's "Breakdown" on repeat. But the story doesn't follow the song lyrics at all. Heh. This is another one of those pointless stories. Heehee. Hope you enjoy. :) **

Written for _Gilmore Girls Improv at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gilmoregirlsimprov_

**Improv: gentle --- wonder --- rain --- promise --- bruise**

**Breakdown  
by inmyeyes**

_"Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he loves you: when he's afraid of losing you."_

She felt like she couldn't breathe. 

It was as though the all-consuming pain that had overtaken her body completely blocked her air passages. There was a heaviness in her chest that she just couldn't shake off and she felt herself crumbling under the weight of all the emotions warring within her. 

Pain, first and foremost. Pain that almost numbed her to any other feeling. Misery. A reluctance to believe that it actually happened. Regret that things that weren't supposed to be done were done, words that shouldn't have been said were uttered. Anger that she had let herself to come to this point… this point where she was so dependent on someone else, the point where her own soul was so intertwined with his, the point where she couldn't remember what it had been like living without him. 

But it was mostly the great big emptiness inside of her that shook her, and made her body wrack with sobs that she couldn't stop. 

It shouldn't hurt this much, she cried silently. She had always thought of love as the gentle way he enveloped her in his arms, his soft kisses that seemed to sear her soul, those content moments when they were together just being and the wonder she always felt when she looked into his open expression and just knew that he loved her like he had loved no other. 

Love was not this horrible abyss of nothing that filled her. Love was not broken promises. Love was not giving up on each other. Love was not the defeated expression in his eyes when he told that maybe they just weren't meant to be. 

Because she refused to believe it. After all they had been through, after their shaky beginning, after the denial and the fear; she couldn't believe that they weren't meant to be. She had fought so hard for him; no, she corrected herself, _they had fought so hard for each other and she wouldn't accept the fact that they were better off apart._

She let her tears run unchecked; unsure where her tears ended and the rain began. The anger that had flowed through her veins had slowly ebbed away, to be replaced with the coldness that seemed to permeate from within her. Drawing her knees up, she wrapped her arms around herself, wincing when her fingers came in contact with the bruise that was beginning to form on her shin. 

The sharp sting of pain jolted her back to the moment she had jumped up from the sofa, her arms gesturing wildly. She couldn't really remember what he had said to set her off nor could she remember what she had said but she didn't remember the flash of pain she had glimpsed in his eyes. Then came the words that he had muttered so softly: "Maybe we're just not meant to be." They were hardly more than a whisper, but to her fragile heart, it was a loud declaration that pierced through her already weak defenses. She hadn't been able to say anything; she hadn't known _what to say and she knew she couldn't be there, be near him and not break down. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt her. _

She chose to flee, and as she did, she awkwardly bumped her knee against the mahogany coffee table. She wanted to stop, and yelp in pain but out of the corner of her eye, she saw him coming towards her, concern lacing his eyes and she knew that she couldn't bear it if he touched her. So, she swallowed down the pain and ran, ignoring his calls for her to stop. 

Gingerly, she touched the bluish spot, wincing at the pain that lanced through her. Smiling wryly, she thought that she definitely preferred that physical pain to the broken feeling within her.

Oh God, what was she going to do? How could she ever feel okay again? Why-

Through the droplets of water that were obscuring her vision, she caught sight of a tall blonde figure, walking towards her. Immediately, she got up from her spot beneath the huge fir tree, desperation coming over her as she frantically thought of a way to get out of there without him seeing her. 

As she finally decided to make a run for it, she heard him call her name. A sense of urgency took hold of her and she fervently hoped that her feet wouldn't slip on the wet grass. But a tiny voice at the back of her mind tauntingly told her that she wouldn't get away, that he could inevitably catch her. 

That annoying voice was right. Just as she felt herself lose her footing due to the slipperiness of the ground, an arm shot out and curled around her waist, bringing her firmly against his body and sending a jolt of awareness through hers. For a second, she contemplated struggling against his hold but knew that it wouldn't do any good. Instead, she let her body sag against his, welcoming the familiar warmth of his body. She steeled herself against the feel of his fingers against her cheek as he tenderly pulled back wet strands of hair. 

"Why do you keep on running?" he whispered, tightening his hold on her. When she didn't answer or move, he slowly turned her around within the cocoon of his arms. Surprisingly, she didn't avert her eyes from him; she had always been an open book to him and seeing the pain clearly reflected in her eyes- pain that he caused- almost broke him. 

He took a deep breath to compose himself; the words that he had painstakingly rehearsed on the way to the park had deserted him. "Rory," he began, his voice cracking slightly, "I didn't mean it. You know that-"

She shook her head and tried to move out of his embrace but he wouldn't let her. "You said it, Tristan," came her harsh whisper. "That means you were thinking it."

His smile was sad. "I always thought that we weren't meant to be." She pushed against his chest but he just tipped her chin up until their gazes met. He saw her eyes shining with tears and his smile faltered. "I always thought that you weren't supposed to be mine… that I was with you on borrowed time."

The tears that had threatened to escape finally fell. The chasm in her heart was healed with the meaning behind his words. Suddenly, it seemed like maybe not all hope was gone. When she spoke, her voice was a choked whisper. "Tristan…"

He swallowed hard and tried to keep his voice from trembling. "At the back of my mind, I thought that one day you would wake up, and you'd realize that we weren't supposed to be together."

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his words but it came out more like a sigh. Tenderly, she raised her hand and caressed his cheek. Her smile was shaky as she muttered, "You get the most stupid ideas sometimes."

His lips curled in a hint of a smile but it quickly faded. "Rory, I didn't mean it the way it came out but maybe you'd be-"

Her hand that had been lying on his cheek moved into his hair as she pulled his face closer to hers. He saw a spark flare in her eyes as she softly said, "There's no one else I'd rather be with."

As relief surged through his body, he closed his eyes and moments later, he felt her arms come around him, engulfing him in her love. 

"I love you so much, Rory," was his hoarse whisper as his arms wrapped around her.

She felt the heaviness in her chest lift away and she pulled him closer. "I know," she mumbled against his neck. "I love you too."

She leaned up slightly, letting her lips trail against his smooth cheek. And when he turned his head a little, their lips finally met in an explosion of love, relief and the feeling that maybe they _were meant to be. She wasn't sure if it was her moan or his that filled the air but nonetheless, she reveled in the familiar feel of his lips against hers. His hand delved into her damp hair, pressing their mouths closer together as he tried to express without words how much he felt for her. _

She wasn't sure how long they stood there kissing, but it didn't feel long enough. When they finally pulled away, they shared a smile and she felt as though the world had righted itself. 

Yes, she decided, love was the gentle way he enveloped her in his arms, his soft kisses that seemed to sear her soul, those content moments when they were together just being and the wonder she always felt when she looked into his open expression and just knew that he loved her like he had loved no other. 

As he pulled her back into the circle of his arms, she let her gaze roam to the sky. The rain that had been falling had trickled off to a drizzle and in the horizon, she saw the beginnings of a rainbow. 

* * * * *


End file.
